


A Furry Tale: The Hiss-tory of the Cat Mob

by uofmdragon



Series: CC Trope Bingo [9]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cat, Alternate Universe - Mob, Animal on Animal violence, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Original Character(s), There are no puns in the actual story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-31 19:54:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21151304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uofmdragon/pseuds/uofmdragon
Summary: Cat-tastrophe has struck Boss Thunderstorm's crew.  Their catnip has been stolen! He's sending a Claw-ver second by the name of Phil to bring in The Fur-middable Hawk to find the catnip. Will the duo find the catnip or will they meet an a-paw-ling end?  Read it right meow to find out!





	A Furry Tale: The Hiss-tory of the Cat Mob

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not Kitten Around, they're cats in this one. Written for CCTropeBingo.
> 
> AU: Cats  
AU: Mob  
Trope: Phil is the only handle that respects Clint
> 
> Can't Fur-get my beta: lapillus (who did not paws the puns)

Phil climbed the stairs to the outside porch, glancing about. It was late at night, no one was out, except for a few deer across the street. Phil eyed them for a long moment, but they were engrossed in eating the neighbor's hostas. They weren't usually interested in the coming and going of cats, but they could have been bought. Further down the street, the park was dark and quiet, the humans' game over for hours. He didn't hear any bats flying around or local squirrels scurrying, which could have been hired by one of the rival mobs.

"Fury," he said, taking a seat next to the other cat, wrapping his tail around his feet. Fury's grey fur was a few shades darker than Phil's and blended into the shadows perfectly. One of his eyes had been scratched out in a fight.

"Coulson," Fury said. "Any idea what this is about?"

"Nope, all I did was get the message to meet." He wasn't too surprised, it had been quiet for too long and the Hydra crew was bound to be looking for a little extra green.

Fury nodded. Together they both looked at the window. They could just make out the edge of the catstand that stood inside the house, but the boss wasn't there yet. Boss Thunderstorm's humans had planted catnip in their backyard. Thunderstorm realized how to make a little extra profit and had slowly gathered a crew of indoor/outdoor and solely outdoor cats to sell to those poor indoor cats that didn't have access to the catnip. 

A few more of Thunderstorm's crew appeared, there was Maria a sleek Havana Brown cat, and Melinda a Korat cat along with a few others that Phil didn't know as well.

There was movement in the window and the boss' second appeared in the window. The Boot eyed them, before jumping down. A few seconds later Boss Thunderstorm appeared. "We have a problem, some of the crop has gone missing, and it wasn't the humans."

"We think it was the Hydra crew?" Fury asked.

"Probably," Thunderstorm agreed. "We need to find out for sure."

"Does that mean…?" Maria started.

"We'll need the Hawk," Thunderstorm stated, looking at all of them. "And we all know he doesn't like working with any of us."

Phil hesitated. "I haven't tried, sir."

Boss Thunderstorm regarded Phil, before nodding. "Are you volunteering?"

"He's a pain in the tail," Melinda stated.

"He's completely unsocialized," Maria added.

"I'm aware," Phil said. Fully aware that both Melinda and Maria had never been without a home. Phil had and the Hawk was a pure outside cat, a stray, almost feral. He never had a home, never had people, never knew what it was like to rely on others. The only reason he worked for Thunderstorm on occasion was because Thunderstorm would arrange for the Hawk to get some food and places to hide from the worst of winter. He glanced over at Nick.

"You probably have a better shot at this than any of us," Nick agreed. "All of us have had a home to go to." Nick even had a collar that allowed him to go in and out as he wanted. It was why he was Thunderstorm's number two outside the house. The Boot never left, but he kept track of the money and the crop from the inside, plus messages were run between him and The Boss.

"Any idea where to find him?" Phil asked.

"I'd look at the ball field," Fury agreed.

Phil nodded, looking up at the Boss.

"Go," Thunderstorm ordered. 

Phil stood and headed down the steps and around the house toward the ball field. He paused at the corner, eyeing the street and listening carefully for those horrid cars. When he was sure it was clear, he scurried across, traveling along the fence line to the ball field. There were trash containers behind the even taller fence and Phil sniffed at them, wondering where the Hawk might be. The other cat had to eat and he might scavenge something a human threw away. There might be Oreos in there. Phil paused at the thought, turning and glancing at the trash container. No, there hadn't been a hint of that delectable scent. 

He strolled along the interior fence, jumping up onto the wooden boards of the bleachers and jumping up to get a higher view. Still nothing. Phil sat there and considered things, before yowling. "Anybody out here?" He paused, looking over the park. No movement. He yowled again. "Hello?" He waited a bit before trying again. Nothing.

He climbed down the bleachers and headed to the next bleachers. These had stairs to get up to and he went to the first bench before yowling again.

"Bast, you're annoying," came a growl from above and behind him. 

Phil turned, fur rising and unable to keep from arching his back.

There lay a cat with calico coloring, a bit of blond, a bit of brown, and some black. There was an odd curl to his coat. His tail was flipping back and forth. "Get lost."

Phil forced himself to relax, taking a seat and looking up at him. "I don't suppose you're Hawk?"

"Who wants to know?"

"I work for Boss Thunderstorm. He has a mission for you, well, a mission for us, assuming you are Hawk."

"And you are?"

"Phil."

"Phil?" the other cat repeated.

"I'm aware my person is completely unoriginal. And you are?"

"Hawk," the cat said, getting to his feet. "What's the boss want?"

"Someone hit the 'nip."

"Of course they did, that stuff is just sitting out there unguarded."

"Boss wants us to find out if it was Hydra and then go after them."

Hawk nodded his head once. "What's the plan?"

"Well, tell me what you know about their territory. I don't leave mine very often."

"You're asking me?" Hawk said, stilling.

Phil nodded. "You've been there, haven't you?"

"Yeah, that doesn't mean any of the others wanted to hear what I have to say!"

"Well, I do," Phil said. "If you don't mind sharing."

"No," Hawk said, moving down next to him. "So, Hydra tends to hang out around the old church. Good hunting area."

Phil considered it. "So we'll have to be stealthy."

"We can backyard most of it," Hawk said. "When do we go?"

"Tomorrow, meet behind the boss' garage when the moon is high?"

"I'll be there," Hawk said, looking past him. "Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a mouse in right field." With that Hawk raced off and Phil tracked his movements. Then he followed the other cat and sure enough Hawk had mouse in his mouth. His eyes narrowed at Phil, but Phil widened his way around the other cat. Phil certainly would never think to take food out of the stray's mouth. He headed home, considering the night's events.

*

Hawk was waiting for Phil as he strolled down the alley. The other cat fell instep with him, taking the lead as he led Phil through several yards and crossed streets. As they neared the old church, Hawk stuck to the bushes more and more until they came to the house across the street from the garden. The parking lot was stretched out behind it with the old church and its other buildings with minimal plant life to one side. There was a line of trees marking where the old church's property ended and private property began on the other side. 

"There's the garden," Hawk said softly.

Phil sat, wrapping his tail around his feet as he studied the situation. "I'm not seeing any guards."

"Neither am I," Hawk replied, looking over at him.

"We'll circle around the perimeter. We'll have to meet at the house directly across from us if we want some cover."

"There's not much by the church," Hawk said looking over there.

"Which is why you'll take the one with more cover," Phil stated, standing and starting to head in that direction.

"You sure?" Hawk asked.

"Yes," Phil replied. "Move out." Phil headed out, slinking low to the ground as he made his way past the two buildings that were part of the old church property, but not the actual church. He sniffed the air as he moved, catching the scent of catnip. "Knew it."

He still needed to make it to the rendezvous point and set to making way as quietly and quickly as he could. He made it past the first two buildings and was making his way to the third when he heard a low growl. Phil froze.

"Well, well, thought those cats were paranoid, but guess they weren't," a canine voice said and Phil watched as a dog came out from the shadows of the church, teeth bared in a snarl.

"Just passing through," Phil said, making himself look as non threatening as possible. "Trying to make my way down to the river to see if I can steal some scraps when the catch comes in."

The dog huffed. "Well, guess you're wrong in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm going to have to fuck you up regardless." With that the dog bared his jaws and snapped toward Phil. Phil moved, skittering one way, but the dog gave chase. This was fucking dog's territory - no trees, nothing to get under that the dog couldn't, but he could get up. Phil turned back toward the garden boxes and its raised beds. He couldn't go under, but he could get up in one. 

He jumped up onto the bed, turning back to see the dog gathering to jump up as well. "Fuck," Phil hissed, jumping to another bed and then off. He swerved, between them, but the dog kept pace until something slammed into it, attacking with a fury that Phil had seen in very few cats. Hawk was there, scratching and biting at the dog. The dog snapped back getting a hold and shaking Hawk. 

"Hawk!" Phil said.

Hawk got to his feet. "Get the stuff and go!"

Phil scrambled, sniffing out the nip as Hawk distracted the dog. He raked it with his claws, slipping out of the way and getting up on a planter to jump on top of the dog. 

Phil found the nip in a middle box and snatched it up in his mouth. He looked over at Hawk. "I got it!"

He took off across the street, turning to look back and saw that Hawk wasn't following. "Damn it." Phil hesitated, before stuffing it down the storm drain. At least the Hydra crew wouldn't get a hold of it. He raced back to find the dog gone and Hawk slumped against the box. "Hawk?"

"Phil?" Hawk said, looking surprised to see him.

"You're hurt," Phil said. "We need to get you help."

"I'm a stray, there's no help for me," Hawk stated. "Where's the…?"

"Stuffed into a storm drain, you're more important than catnip," Phil said, going over to him and trying to lick some of the blood off his face. "Can you walk?"

"Maybe?" Hawk said, getting to his feet. He moved slowly, limping, but he moved. "Where are we going?"

"I have an idea," Phil said and set about to encourage Hawk all the way to the one person that might help, his person.

*

Phil yowled outside the bedroom window of his home, beside him Hawk hunkered down, trying to appear smaller.

"I shouldn't be here," Hawk said softly.

Phil lashed his tail and glared at him, before yowling again. His person should be here and he was sure she would help Hawk. He yowled again and there was movement. Yes, Phil could also hear his person moving and it wasn't long before the door opened.

"Phil," Darcy whined, hair a mess and still dressed in her pajamas with a blanket around her shoulders. "It's so fucking early and what the hell, I gave you a cat flap for a… Oh shit!" She hurried out and leaning down with an outstretched hand toward Hawk. "Hey baby, you okay?"

Hawk hesitated and then mewed piteously and leaned in to sniff at Darcy's hand and rub his head against her hand. Darcy stroked his head for a bit, shifting closer, and then scooped him in the blanket. Hawk yowled, but was unable to get out of his fabric prison. Darcy went for the door, opening it with a hand and then used her foot to push Phil in. Phil went watching as Darcy put Hawk in the bathroom and closed the door. She grabbed her phone and dialed someone. Phil assumed it was the vet. 

Phil slunk closer to the door, laying down and wrapping his tail around his body. "Hawk?"

"That hurt," Hawk said. "Why'd she do that?"

"You need help, I think she's taking you to the vet."

"Fuck."

"You'll be okay," Phil said. 

Darcy reappeared, carrying the cat carrier and fully dressed. She paused, looking at Phil. "I'll get him help, Phil, I promise." She reached down and scratched the back of his head, he leaned into it, eyes closing. Darcy opened the door, slipped in, and closed it.

"Alright, cat," Phil heard from in there. "You need to get into the box." There was a brief pause. "Well, aren't you a good kitty."

Darcy emerged with Hawk in the carrier. She set it down as she locked the door, turning to look at Phil. "You are grounded."

Phil wasn't surprised. Darcy was gone a few seconds later, taking Hawk out of the house. Phil raced to the window and watched as Darcy put the carrier in her car and then climbed in herself. The two drove off, leaving Phil alone.

*

The persistent calls of 'Phil' from outside woke Phil from where he was sleeping next to Darcy. He was still on lockdown with no sign of Hawk. He looked at the window just making out Fury in the tree near Darcy's bedroom window. 

"Downstairs," Phil said as he got up. Fury nodded and started navigating his way down the tree. Phil headed downstairs and to the back window. He lept up into it and looked out seeing Fury sitting on the back porch. 

"Boss wants to know what happened."

"It was the Hydra crew," Phil said. "We found the stolen stuff, I had to ditch it into a storm drain. They had a stray dog guarding it. Hawk got hurt bad."

"Is he…?" Fury asked.

Phil shook his head. "Darcy took him to the vet. He hasn't come back. He saved me."

"We'll handle the dog," Fury said. "Boss won't be happy. What kind?"

"Mutt, Hawk got him good. No way he'll be able to hide it. He might have gone across the big road."

Fury's tail struck the porch once. "Damn. We'll take care of it. Lockdown?"

"Yep, She's rethinking her indoor/outdoor cat policy."

"Of course, she is." Fury said. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Phil murmured, though he was worried about Hawk. "Anything else?"

"No," Fury said, getting up and heading toward the steps. Phil jumped out of the window and went back upstairs. He curled up against the small of Darcy's back and fell back asleep.

*

Darcy was late, so late that Phil's food was actually empty. Not mostly empty, but all the way empty as in Phil had resorted to sniffing out the pieces that been dropped outside his dish and pushed into the corner and on the counter next to the food bin. There was nothing left, he was going to starve poor and unloved.

Phil's ear caught the sound of a garage opening and he hurried over to the door. Meowing his insults, because seriously how dare she leave him hear to starve?! What the ever loving fuck?! Bast would punish her for this, for sure. Darcy opened the first door, set some things down, one of which mewed at her. Phil froze and the final door opened. 

"Yes, Phil, I know I'm late, but I had to pick up your friend," Darcy said, reaching back to grab the carrier and set it in front of Phil. "Meet your new brother Clint, I paid to fix him, so we're keeping him and you better get along."

"Hawk!" Phil said, sniffing and making a face. Ugh, he smelled like vet.

"Hey Phil," Hawk said.

"Well," Darcy said. "I'm going to give Clint the downstairs bedroom for now." With that Darcy took the carrier and her bags into the other room. She closed the door, locking Phil out. Phil mewed, because Clint needed a bath, desperately. A few minutes later, Darcy was back out. 

"Alright, let's do dinner!" Darcy said, heading for the fridge. Food was put in Phil's dish and Darcy cracked the door to feed Hawk. "It'll be a slow introduction, just to make sure there's no problems."

"Slow?" Phil repeated. Well, that just wouldn't do. Darcy would spend about an hour with him and then take her laptop and disappear into the bedroom. Phil tried to get in, but Darcy kept him out. At bedtime, she went upstairs and Phil trailed after her. In the morning, Darcy had her breakfast in the closed off room, instead of on the couch. She apologized to Phil, but said it was Clint's turn now, because he'd had her all night. When Darcy went to work, Phil went upstairs and set to dragging the cat bed downstairs and in front of Clint's room. He curled up there, putting his nose to the bottom where there was a crack.

"Hawk?" Phil murmured.

"Phil?" He heard the thump as Clint jumped down from where he was along with the jangle of a bell. Darcy was serious about keeping him. A paw reached out and Phil shoved his paw under to make contact.

"I'm here, Hawk," Phil said. "Darcy says she's going to keep you."

"Keep me?"

"Of course, that means a place to stay and food, and we'll share Darcy." Phil said. "If you want to that is, otherwise, I'll find a way to get you out of here and…"

"No!" Hawk said. "I… I… want to stay. Darcy seems nice."

"She is," Phil murmured. "I'd like for you to stay."

"I wish I wasn't stuck in this room."

"I'm not going anywhere," Phil said. "Dragged my bed down, grab a pillow, curl up against the door with me. They're lighter than they look."

"Okay," Hawk said. 

Phil waited until the sounds of Hawk moving a pillow to by the door ended. The door moved a bit as Hawk leaned against it and Phil settled in his own bed. Ready to fall asleep. 

"Hey Phil," Hawk said.

"Hmm?"

"You think I should go by Clint now?" Hawk asked.

"Up to you."

"I'll think about it," Hawk said. There was a pause. "I don't know if I want to be your brother."

"Good, I know I don't," Phil replied.

"Awesome," Hawk murmured.

Together they fell asleep. Later Darcy would come home and yell and shout about how Phil dragging his bed all the way downstairs. She'd do the same about Clint, but her exasperation would allow Hawk to slip out of the bedroom and Phil would lead him upstairs to hide under Darcy bed and help him get the vet stink out of his wiry fur. It would take a few days, before Hawk would decide that he liked Clint, but maybe still call him Hawk when they were doing business with Boss Thunderstorm. Also that no matter what he was called, he was only working with Phil.

To Phil, it was the start of a wonderful relationship.

**Author's Note:**

> Clint is an American Wirehair  
Fury is a chartreux  
Maria is a Havana Brown  
Melinda is a Korat
> 
> Thunderstorm is my late cat and The Boot aka Bootsey is my brother's late cat from when we were kids. This story came about because my brother was cleaning his room once and found a bunch of money. I made up a story about my cat being a drug dealer of catnip and Boo helping their enterprise and hiding the money in my brother's room. There were also occasional cat fights in our yard due to the catnip in our yard. In reality, my brother hid money he earned or received as gifts in his room and forgot about it. When I got mob AU and cat AU together, well I decided to adapt that story


End file.
